Identities are funny things. They range from the very basic “male”,
“female”, “sister”, “friend”; to the physically descriptive “curly”, “shorty”,
“twinkle toes”; to the playful and affectionate “monkey”, “honey”; to the
not-so-kind “loser”, “asshole”, “imbecile”.
We are born into this world with
ready-made identities which begin with “my first born” or “my first
daughter”. Then “my difficult
sleeper” or “my good eater”. To “the
biter” or “the faster” or “the fastest”.
The list goes on and these identities build upon each other. Creating layer upon layer like an onion
until we subconsciously begin to walk, talk and breathe whichever tags have
ended up becoming second nature.
As you may have previously read, I
have recently lost my mojo, what I consider my identity. Like everyone, I have many
identities. Some more similar and
an extension to each other. And
others more conflicting and a total contradiction to the former - depending on
the person who ‘handed’ me my identity.
In Hong Kong, a friend called out to
me once about being “Russian”. I
had stopped, mid-step, and turned around in confusion. “Russian? What? You know
I’m Australian!” Only to have the
penny drop a few seconds later, and realise she meant “rushing”. So yes, in Hong Kong, I mostly rushed
about like a headless chicken, going from one job to the other, ticking those
proverbial boxes.
In London, friends and
acquaintances often commented that
I “knew everyone” (ie at the girls’ school) and I was the “go to” person if
they wanted to know anything or get anything done. I knew how to “make things happen”. Someone went so far as to call me the “Mayor
of London”. It was a nice identity
to wear.
So far though, in my 7 months here in
Singapore, I’ve heard myself termed “blur like a sotong” (ie clueless) several
times from childhood classmates I have recently become re-acquainted with. Why “blur”? Because when they ask, “remember when I was so mean to
you?”, my response standard response is “I really don’t remember that”. Another crime to validate my “sotong”
(Malay for ‘squid’) status? Having
left Singapore when I was 15, I have little knowledge nor comprehension for the
local slang and so when I ask when something means, this group instantly crack
up about what “a blur sotong” I am.
I have to interrupt myself now to google the actual meaning of this term
so I can be more succinct about this newest identify I’ve been given. This is what I found:
Blur sotong: Blur meaning gong
tao, meaning confused mind, meaning you’re totally stupid and clueless. Sotong
means squid. Squids are stupid things who react at any one thing. Put them both
together, if you’re a blur sotong, you’re totally helpless. Go find yourself a
corner and hide.
One word. Ouch. How did I
go from the clued-up and well-connected “Mayor of London” to a “totally stupid
and clueless” squid?!
Sigh. Which brings me to this point. I have laid awake the last few weeks over my missing mojo
and wondered how to find an identity to call my own. Not like the ones recently given to me by others: “Faith,
Tia and Paige’s mom”, “Matthew’s wife”, “occupation: housewife”, “the girl that
runs all the time”, “the one who carries all her own groceries”, “the Girl
Scouts Leader”. Not the ones I
used to be: “published songwriter”, “Mulan”, “Princess”, “singer on cruise
ship”, “singer in fight scene in animated movie Dragon Blade”,
“entrepreneur”. But a new one. One given to me by me and me alone.
What would I like it to be?
Motivator. Writer. Lover of good food,
good drinks, good company and a good laugh. Funny. Kind. A great friend.
∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞
i concur! u're indeed all of those, especially the latter <3
ReplyDelete& as far as the sotong label goes, u have every excuse to be clueless - u haven't been here for yonks!
me? born, raised & native...& still lapsing into sotongity every now & then!
keep up the blogging, grlfrnd!!!
Haha! I am such a sotong! After getting your FB PM, I spent a good 15 mins trying to figure out how to respond to comments.. Also, I never responded before as I wasn't sure the correct etiquette.. ie whether the "comments" section was reserved solely for feedback from readers... but now, thanks to you, I know. Love your work! x
ReplyDeleteps we should start a sotong club!