53. The magic of Christmas

I am a big fan of Christmas and ALL it entails; so much so that I’ve decided to write about Christmas in May!  But truth be told, most of the stuff we do at home now was gleaned from years of watching Christmas special movie marathons.  For me, growing up, Christmas was disconcertingly confusing:  Christmas with my Catholic mother meant going to endless church services, a lot of hymn singing and praying so my soul didn’t burn in hell; whilst it was a TOTAL non-event when we moved in with my Buddhist father after the divorce.  No wonder I was flummoxed.

So, when I became a mother, I felt certain I wanted MY children to experience all the magic Christmas has to offer – especially the part about believing in the possibility of the magical.  As such, it’s a REALLY big deal in our home (wherever we may be), with carrots for the reindeers, cookies and milk for Santa and secret present buying that starts soon after the northern hemisphere summer holidays!  I told you I was a fan!

Anyhow, a few days before Christmas few years ago, one of my three girls asked me the question most parents dread: “Mom, have you ever seen Santa?  I mean REALLY seen him?”  I considered fibbing but then confessed I had not.  Which prompted the next question:  “Then, how do you know he’s real?”  At that stage, I think the girls were around 5, 6 and 9 and were at an age where they wanted to believe, but some of the kids at school with older siblings had started bursting all sorts of ‘bubbles’.  So, torn between wanting to maintain their childhood innocence and yet arm them with the tools required to not to be bullied by any mini cynics, I waxed lyrical about how certain things in life required a leap of faith and a blind trust.  Fairies, the Easter Bunny, and the Tooth Fairy all also fell into that magical ‘box’.  But Miss 6-at-the-time required a more plausible answer.  And that’s when I pulled out my made-up-on-the-spot explanation for everything magical and it went a little like this:

“Okay, you know how we all know we need oxygen to live because of the important work it does to help different parts of our bodies work and heal?  Well, you cannot see oxygen, right?  You cannot touch it nor can you smell it.  But you know it exists all around you.  For me, Christmas is the same.  Just because I cannot see physical proof, doesn’t mean isn’t real.”  I waited for my munchkins to digest this information when my eldest mentioned that some of her friends had teased her about believing in magic and Christmas and the letters she was still getting from the tooth fairy (which incidentally stopped after she turned 10 because all teeth collected after that would be too heavy for the fairies to carry).  Yes, yes, I know.. the tales we weave!  Anyhow, I talked about how in order to see the magical, you need to be open to recognizing and seeing the magic; that as we grow up, because life can get very busy and crazed, it can be hard to remember to look for magic.  Then I concluded that Christmas was the perfect time to believe in magic and because I did (in spite of being a ‘big person’ as we referred to me when they were little), my Christmases were always a little bit more special – but that the choice was theirs to believe as they chose.  I saw three little heads nod.  I did conclude the talk to forewarn them to not feel discouraged if their friends didn’t believe in the magic of Christmas because we each had to make our own choices.  Again, three nods.

Of course, now that my three girls are now nearly 10, 11 and nearly 14 respectively, their ‘head’ knows that its mom who starts reconnaissance shopping months before the big event (cue squeals of delighted “How did Santa know I had wished for this fill-in-the-blanks?!?”) but the heart still partakes in the feeding of the reindeer and Santa the night before while I try to find new ways to prolong the magic of their childhood for just a little bit longer – for them to have the childhood memories of Christmas I didn’t have – and because it fills ME up with an indescribable joy…  Yup, I CANNOT wait to put up my Christmas tree in 7 months time!!

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41. Everybody has an opinion

On our way to school the other day, Faith and I had a conversation that went a little like this:

Faith: Mom, what type of shape would you say my face is?

Me: What?  Why do you ask? 

Faith: I was just wondering..

Me: Sweetie, too much time and energy is wasted on ‘experts’ telling you who you are and what you should be or do.  You and your sisters are very lucky...  You are all healthy and beautiful.

Faith: Hmm..

Me: Okay, my point is this, the problem with these sort of questions is this -- depending on who you’re asking, everyone will have a different opinion.

Faith: Okay.  I get it.  But if you HAD to judge what shape my face was…

Me: In my opinion, if among all the different shapes available, and there was one called “beautiful”, that would be what I would pick.

Faith: Aww… thanks Mom.

The above is actually the abridged version of our conversation -- I had gone into a lengthy soliloquy discussing how differing people will often have contrasting opinions on a subject or person based on their personal history and experiences.  Everybody has an viewpoint about this and that.  It cannot be helped.  What differentiates us from one another is whether the belief is informed and how we allow that bias to direct the way we behave on a day-to-day basis.  That said, at 40-something, I have long given up getting my knickers in a knot about other people’s opinions, regardless of how keen they seem to want to share them!  Well, at least I try not to..

For as long as I can remember, the majority of people I met have tried to guess my heritage.  Depending on who I spoke with, they often exclaimed such surprise at my Chinese or Spanish lineage; as they expressed their varying opinions of what THEY thought I looked like.  And to be honest, it got under my skin.  AND then, when I first became a mother, no doubt like many new moms, I was fiercely protective of anything said about my babies.  People, both strangers and the-more-familiar, would come up and share their unsolicited opinions about the girls! JOY. 

For example, for Faith, I’ve had someone comment on how her naturally curly hair was just baby hair and it was all going to fall off and become dead straight!  Even now, people are a tad too keen to comment whether the girls look like Matt or me.  My standard response?  I tell them that I THINK my girls look exactly like THEMSELVES and are beautiful.

Thankfully, over the years, I am learning (I was going to say “I have learnt” but realized it wasn’t entirely true!!) to not to be so sensitive about other people’s opinions.  Even the ones who don’t believe me when I tell them “no, I don’t perm my children’s hair”!  I have learnt that human nature is that once people have decided on something, most of the time, they have no interest in changing their mind – because it would mean having to admit they were wrong to begin with. 

But in spite of all my posturing about ‘opinion’, I actually drum into my girls that its important to have an opinion; but I try to teach them to be reasonably au fait with their viewpoints as opposed to following public opinion indiscriminately.  As Roman emperor Marcus Aurelius once said:

Everything we hear is an opinion, not a fact.

Everything we see is a perspective, not the truth

And with that, I continue to encourage the girls to keep their eyes and opinions open as they make their way through this world of ours.

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