53. The magic of Christmas

I am a big fan of Christmas and ALL it entails; so much so that I’ve decided to write about Christmas in May!  But truth be told, most of the stuff we do at home now was gleaned from years of watching Christmas special movie marathons.  For me, growing up, Christmas was disconcertingly confusing:  Christmas with my Catholic mother meant going to endless church services, a lot of hymn singing and praying so my soul didn’t burn in hell; whilst it was a TOTAL non-event when we moved in with my Buddhist father after the divorce.  No wonder I was flummoxed.

So, when I became a mother, I felt certain I wanted MY children to experience all the magic Christmas has to offer – especially the part about believing in the possibility of the magical.  As such, it’s a REALLY big deal in our home (wherever we may be), with carrots for the reindeers, cookies and milk for Santa and secret present buying that starts soon after the northern hemisphere summer holidays!  I told you I was a fan!

Anyhow, a few days before Christmas few years ago, one of my three girls asked me the question most parents dread: “Mom, have you ever seen Santa?  I mean REALLY seen him?”  I considered fibbing but then confessed I had not.  Which prompted the next question:  “Then, how do you know he’s real?”  At that stage, I think the girls were around 5, 6 and 9 and were at an age where they wanted to believe, but some of the kids at school with older siblings had started bursting all sorts of ‘bubbles’.  So, torn between wanting to maintain their childhood innocence and yet arm them with the tools required to not to be bullied by any mini cynics, I waxed lyrical about how certain things in life required a leap of faith and a blind trust.  Fairies, the Easter Bunny, and the Tooth Fairy all also fell into that magical ‘box’.  But Miss 6-at-the-time required a more plausible answer.  And that’s when I pulled out my made-up-on-the-spot explanation for everything magical and it went a little like this:

“Okay, you know how we all know we need oxygen to live because of the important work it does to help different parts of our bodies work and heal?  Well, you cannot see oxygen, right?  You cannot touch it nor can you smell it.  But you know it exists all around you.  For me, Christmas is the same.  Just because I cannot see physical proof, doesn’t mean isn’t real.”  I waited for my munchkins to digest this information when my eldest mentioned that some of her friends had teased her about believing in magic and Christmas and the letters she was still getting from the tooth fairy (which incidentally stopped after she turned 10 because all teeth collected after that would be too heavy for the fairies to carry).  Yes, yes, I know.. the tales we weave!  Anyhow, I talked about how in order to see the magical, you need to be open to recognizing and seeing the magic; that as we grow up, because life can get very busy and crazed, it can be hard to remember to look for magic.  Then I concluded that Christmas was the perfect time to believe in magic and because I did (in spite of being a ‘big person’ as we referred to me when they were little), my Christmases were always a little bit more special – but that the choice was theirs to believe as they chose.  I saw three little heads nod.  I did conclude the talk to forewarn them to not feel discouraged if their friends didn’t believe in the magic of Christmas because we each had to make our own choices.  Again, three nods.

Of course, now that my three girls are now nearly 10, 11 and nearly 14 respectively, their ‘head’ knows that its mom who starts reconnaissance shopping months before the big event (cue squeals of delighted “How did Santa know I had wished for this fill-in-the-blanks?!?”) but the heart still partakes in the feeding of the reindeer and Santa the night before while I try to find new ways to prolong the magic of their childhood for just a little bit longer – for them to have the childhood memories of Christmas I didn’t have – and because it fills ME up with an indescribable joy…  Yup, I CANNOT wait to put up my Christmas tree in 7 months time!!

***** end *****

16. A late bloomer..

 

At a party recently, I found myself eyeball-deep in a conversation whereby some of the ladies were waxing lyrical about waxing (haha! No pun intended!).  Before long, terms that had NOTHING to do with the obvious including “landing strip”, “Brazilian” (sometimes known as the “Playboy”), “Hollywood” (aka “The Sphinx”), “Californian” (also known as the “Mohican”) were splashing around in my head.  You would think after having 3 children I would not feel so bashful but after a while, I had to excuse myself as the conversation literally had me squirming.

I quite often find myself the butt of jokes because as much as I would like to think I am a trailblazer, the reality is a remarkable distance from my wistful perception.  In fact, my first eyebrow wax didn’t occur until well into my mid-20s.  First bikini? 22.  Handbags?  Not until I became a mother at the ripe old age of 30 and HAD to carry one – if only to carry all of Faith’s bits and pieces!  Facebook?  Only a few years ago when Faith joined.  Viber and Skype?  Last year.  WhatsApp?  Two months ago.  You get the picture.  Meanwhile, I am yet to ‘tweet’ or get ‘linked’ into anything, and its unlikely the latest craze of ‘pinning’ my interests will find me subscribing.  But never say never!

Which brings me to my girls.  I remember when they were younger, they would make comments like, “Oh!  I can’t wait to turn 10!”  Or “I cannot wait until I’m old enough to…”.  My response?  “Enjoy the age you are at because you only get to be that age once and once only.  Besides, there are so many magical things to experience at 8!” (think it was a conversation between Faith and I that time).   

Now, as they are a little older, the conversations revolve around development milestones, etc.  Without giving too much away (don’t want to embarrass them TOO much!), I tell them not to worry so much about things as being my daughters, the likelihood of ‘stuff’ happening later rather than sooner is very possible (AND not necessarily a bad thing!).   

I want for them to enjoy every minute of their childhood and not to be in such a hurry to experience their first kiss, have their first boyfriend, get married or move away from home.  Of course I know I’m only kidding myself and all these milestones are but a blink away but (sigh), as their mother, I just want to prolong where we are at right now for just a little longer.

And so, I tell them about me.  Sharing my teenage angst, my narrow escape (thrice!) of getting married waaaaaay before I was ready, and my thoughts and worries as a young adult.  I confess my many-many mistakes, all the ‘frogs’ I kissed and how glad I am to have (mostly) learnt from them and grateful to have not married or had children young as I would have done a lousy job.

As for me, I have learnt that its TOTALLY okay to ‘discover’ at my own (snail) pace and though it may take me longer to get to the ‘destination’ of where I am meant to be, I am learning to have fun along the way. 

**********