Tuesday, 1 May 2012
15. If only I..
1.10am. Just came back from the movies with a girlfriend and after icing some cupcakes for daughter numero dos’ school project tomorrow (they’re doing an exercise revolving around “trading and bartering”), I was too wired to go to sleep. That’s when I came across a video link from an article (as one does at 1 o’clock in the morning!) about a guy from the Netherlands who filmed his daughter every week for 12 years and then edited the footage and condensed it to show a short time-lapse of her life so far. I thought to myself, “Wow, what a great idea! If only I was that clever!”
My admiration has nothing to do with doubting myself. Nor is it an observation based on envy. But the list of people who dazzle me is longer than the queues snaking outside an Apple store on launch day -- yes, its long! Some friends have rolled their eyes at me, scoffing that I am too easily impressed. But so what, I say! I like that trait in myself!
For example, I am in awe of Faith, my 12 year-old, who started writing a book last year about a boy’s adventure – set in Viking times. Where she got her inspiration from, seeing we have no Viking blood, I have no idea (but I am impressed!)! And what about Matt and everything he does from his recall of facts, to the way he is clever with numbers and people?! Or my numerous girlfriends scattered around the world who run with the corporate wolves without breaking a sweat; doing so with graciousness and class. Or the girlfriends who are amazing mothers. And some who do both! I look up to them all.
Truth be said, I sometimes catch myself looking at the achievements of people in and around my life, and wish I had a little of their courage, resourcefulness, fearlessness, intellect, patience, talent, ‘va-va-voom’, etcetera, etcetera. The list goes on. Don’t get me wrong. Its not that I begrudge them their success. Not in the slightest (unless they are of the really mean and nasty breed, then that’s just another story.. but I digress). I just sometimes look at their lives and go, “Wow, if only I……” – feel free to fill in the blanks.
And yet, as I write this, wistfully wishing I had a bit of more of whatever-I-wish-I-had-more-talent in, I am also very grateful for all that I DO have. I celebrate my strengths and embrace my limitations. And whilst no superwoman, I work hard to be interesting to MYSELF. After all, if I bore myself silly, what can I ‘bring to the table’ in any of my relationships and what kind of example would I set for my girls?
About 5 few years ago, a dear friend asked, “Michelle, are you happy?” Initially I was confused at the question. Did I come across unhappy? I gave pause, and responded that I was very content. “But are you happy?” she pressed. I don’t think I ever gave her an answer that truly satisfied her. If she was to ask me the question again, this time, my answer would be more resolute.
I am happy, content and grateful. Happy in this life that is mine. Content in my life choices. And grateful for all that I have.