We just came back from a very restful
weekend in Bali but the following day saw me crashing back to ‘reality’ with a
giant thump! Ahhh…..that
mountain-load of ‘enticing’ laundry, beckoning at the end of each holiday…but
it is what it is. So, by noon, I had powered through two loads of washing,
taken Buddy to the groomers, done the food shop and gone on my 10-km run. As I struggled through the door with
the groceries, Matt looked up from his Maths session with Tia and said, “Oh,
the groomers called and I think Buddy is ready to be picked up.” Off I trudged again, then made
lunch for the hungry mob, drove Matt to work, came home, more laundry and then
prepared dinner. I think you get
the picture..
At some point during dinner, Tia
turned to me and cheekily asked if I had done my piano practise. Unfortunately for her, we weren’t on
the same ‘comedy channel’ at that moment as I recounted every-single-task I
had ‘slaved’ through that day, asked if anyone accomplished anything beyond lounging
around reading or watching TV, and then dared her to re-ask the question. Of course, in hindsight, that was a
little harsh. After all, I only
had to ask and the girls would have pitched in. But no, I wanted them to help out because they thought of it
and not because I asked them to. I
know, I know. I am beginning to
sound like a crazy woman.
I came across an interview a few
weeks ago whereby multi-talented Australian
actor-singer-dancer-extraordinaire-all-round-decent-and-wonderful-human-being-and-husband
Hugh Jackman, aka Wolfman from the X-men franchise, shared his thoughts on
parenting. What? Did I just sound like I have a
celebrity crush? Awww, you caught
me out. But I am only human! Anyhow, Hugh (Haha! First name basis! If only!) talked about how he “yells at
his kids, they drive him to despair, he worries that his deficiencies as a
parent mean he is slowly but surely stuffing them up”. He also talked about and how children
can push your buttons and make you feel such extreme emotions, and the anger or
fire they can sometimes incite. I was
like, “Oh my goodness! That is
EXACTLY how I feel!” So its just
as well I’m not married to Hugh Jackman because it just wouldn’t work out with both
of us stressing about the same things.
Sorry Hugh.
My beautiful husband Matt, on the
other hand, has such a wonderful approach to parenthood. When I read out an excerpt from that
same article about how so-and-so’s mom said, “Relax, you worry too much. You feed them, you love them, that’s
it”, it was his turn to have his that-is-EXACTLY-how-I-feel moment. I sometimes
feel envious of Matt and those of my friends who have this wonderful parenting
style whereby they are so attuned to seeing the big picture and able to block
out the ‘other stuff’ that, in actuality, is just ‘noise’ ...
But I cannot because at least every
other day (if not everyday), there are ‘boxes’ that need to be ticked, exploits
that need undertaking and ‘fires’ that need putting out. AND, if we were BOTH laissez-faire and
make-it-up-as-we-go-along, would our household still work the way it works (on
a good day)? Or would those
‘little things’ fall through the cracks because non-verbal clues were missed? Would the girls learn to think beyond
themselves, realise the importance of dreaming, or master the tools needed to
pick themselves up and try again with a little fine-tuning? Am I beginning to sound a little
hysterical again? Sorry. Okay, deep
breath and stop panicking over all the ‘what-would-happens’.
At the end of the day, I don’t
purport to be ‘superwoman’ and do not even try to pretend to have all the
answers. Honest with my girls
about my shortcomings, I am not afraid ask for help and try to encourage the
girls to go on fact-finding missions when appropriate. And with three such
different individuals whose needs demand that my parenting style is constantly
refined and modified as per child and situation; sometimes my appeals for us to
work together as a team so the day is smoother works, and other times, not so
well. But it’s the life I have
chosen and I am at peace with it.
All we can do is try our best to prepare them to stand confidently and
successfully on their own two feet by giving them love, inspiring courage and
fostering integrity.
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