A couple of nights ago, taking Buddy
for a quick walk left me incensed.
“You’ll never believe what happened downstairs!” I raged to Matt on my return. Continuing my rant, I described the
rudeness of our neighbors when I approached them about where they were
burning offerings for the Hungry Ghost Festival.
A brief tutorial for uninitiated:
celebrated on the 15th night of the seventh lunar month (according
to the Chinese calendar), believers observe the entire month as “Ghost month” where
the ‘gates of hell’ are opened for all spirits to receive food and drink, along
with offerings (eg paper ‘money’) burnt for them. As such, here in Singapore, the month of August is very
smoky with joss-stick-adorned-sidewalks and sizable steel barrels ablazed with
varying types of paper offerings which rise to the skies in a sooty smoggy
vapor. As a large number of people
live in highrises (ie residential towers), there are strict guidelines about
where you can ‘set up’ so it doesn’t become a fire or smoke hazard. Or so I thought.
Getting back to my story, our
said-neighbors were performing their rituals near the children’s playground
instead of the pre-designated area outside the building. After checking with the now-angry and
flustered guard-on-duty (who apparently had just been insulted by the couple
when he tried to carry out his duties) I gently broached the subject. They both
just ignored me. Thinking they
didn’t speak English, I tried again in my third-rate-broken-Chinese. The man responded, “You are
Chinese?” (which I thought was a
weird response), whilst his co-conspirator became confrontational. Wanting to defuse the situation, I
offered that I wasn’t trying to be quarrelsome but needed to point out the gas
pipe behind them. And no, I wasn't bluffing. But my words
fell on deaf ears. I gave up and
walked away, exasperated and decidedly peeved.
After venting to Matt, I didn’t want
to keep harping on about it to him so I took to Facebook and wrote: “Very very cross at some very rude, inconsiderate and selfish
people who behave as if the world owes them a living and they are 'above'
everyone else! Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!”. But then, I got frustrated with
myself. Why am I getting so upset
about an exchange with 2 total strangers?
Why was I letting someone ‘push my buttons’ so to speak? Wasn’t I always trying to teach the
girls about not letting other people’s behavior impact how they feel?
Disheartened,
I took to Facebook again: “don't want to be this person... or get this worked
up about stuff (especially when you consider things from the whole "bigger
picture" perspective).. Sigh.. need to set a better example for the girls
and be a better person. Luckily tomorrow is a new day.. x”. And then, I went to bed.
When I woke,
in amongst all the shout-outs from good friends, a message from an ‘old soul’
stood out. She asked: “What hurts
more? What these people are doing
or the way you feel about them?”
Her words made me pause and I took a long hard look at myself. Why? Because although it would be much easier to lay blame on my
errant neighbors, it was important to me that I took ownership of my negative
feelings.
And what did
I learn? After nearly a week of
mulling over my wise friend’s words, I concluded that ‘letting go’ is a kinder
way of living – to yourself and also those who’s paths you happen to
cross. That ‘letting go’ doesn’t
mean you don’t care or that you are ‘selling out’ on your values or
beliefs. But rather, realizing you
cannot (and should not) try to hold sway over every situation. And finally, that ‘letting go’ means
being forgiving, compassionate and patient with others (because you don’t know
their daily reality) – as well as to yourself. And so the lessons continue.
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